looking input for my 11 year old boy

Discussion in 'General Taekwondo Discussions' started by appu, Jun 29, 2016.

  1. appu

    appu New Member

    Hi ,
    My 11 year old boy started taekwondo last year. The Master does competitive sparring .They do sparring hours to gether. He has produced some national championships. The whole reason for me to start martial arts is to improve his self confidence. Recently few incidents happened and I would like to get suggestion before acting on my emotions. Once master asked him to kick higher and he kept kicking low. Immediately master got so mad and said I will never coach you in any competition. You are not to be fit in my class.Few days after that when they were sparring he asked him to back off and he didn't follow .Well he cursed that he would by getting gapped in all his matches. I didn't know all these things happened until I heard from another parent. Now my 11 year old does more mistakes in class . I watched couple of classes and I feel my boy is making more mistakes out of fear. He is academically very good . He follows instructions in other classes. He does music and swimming. In fact all his teachers have praised him to the core. Now I'm baffled. On one hand I feel he didn't give his 100% on the other hand I have a feeling this may not be a right fit. I feel horrible that my son would miss this great facility but on the other hand I feel he has been constantly scolded in his class by the Master. Looking for suggestion on what should be done. BTW the master is not approachable human being. He trains national teams for Olympics. Any time I ask him for input he says I treat all kids equally it is up to the kid to catch up. I'm lost.
    Thanks,
    A
     
  2. canadiankyosa

    canadiankyosa Active Member

    While not having been there, my thought is that it seems that the "teacher/coach" needs a teacher themselves. My personal reaction would be to walk out the door and not look back if the "teacher" cannot see, and admit, the problems.
     
  3. appu

    appu New Member

    Thanks for your reply CanadianKyosoo .
    I think rationally and make wise decision. I do feel guilty that I didn't spend enough time with my boy to see what is happening with his classes since I had a new born at home. I'm not sure what is considered as normal in martial arts class. Yesterday he yelled at him saying it is a privilege to be in my class. The money you pay for the class is nothing for the service I render.
    After yesterday's session I never want to go inside that place anymore. But I signed up for annual contract. I'm scared to even strike a conversation with him since he is like a tiger ready to pounce on me. If we quit I loose all the money . But I think I should go ahead and just withdraw my kid .
     
  4. John F

    John F Member

    Hello appu, I have a different opinion. And it is not necessarily bad that a coach berates a student. I know in this current social environment everyone is supposed to praise everyone. But the fact is from your story, the coach has produced some national champions. One of the masters I trained under and the school I started out was very tough. They berated me all the way up to Black Belt and still do to this day. The master is a world champ and has produced several Olympians. To this day they tell me I don't work hard enough and I'm too fat for this art. I could have quit, but I didn't and I'm glad I didn't. I have since moved and teach at other schools. And I've visited many other schools. And the value I got from a system when I opened my mind what what they were saying is immeasurable. I think before you make any suggestions, you need to sit in on those classes and judge for yourself what is going on. Being good at anything isn't easy. Praises are cheap. Training that makes you national caliber is priceless.

    If you are concerned that your child is being yelled at, then you need to pull them out. If you want the best for your child, you are going to have to put in a little effort and investigate.
     
  5. John Hulslander

    John Hulslander Active Member

    So, one master asked him to kick high and he kicked low.
    Why did he continue to kick low then? If he wasn't able to kick high, then that speaks to his training. If he is, then I can see an instructor being upset.

    You say he is in the club to gain confidence. But you also say that in every other venture he gets high praise. What are his feelings about the situation. Does he want to quit?

    It seems to me that a discussion with whoever runs the club is better than just pulling your son out.
    By discussion, I mean an honest and frank discussion.

    I understand that the master instructor is hard to approach, but you have to ask yourself if a little discomfort now is worth throwing away what I assume is a notable amount of money, or taking away what could be a rewarding experience for your son.

    Ask the instructor for an honest appraisal.
    Ask the instructor if there is some way you can help.

    I would also look at your goals vs your sons instructors. It sounds like he is a coach first and wants to train athletes. If your sons goal is defense, or confidence as you noted, then there is a deeper problem.

    Not everyone is interested in TKD to win championships. And if your goals are that drastically misaligned with the dojangs mission, then this situation will never be ideal.

    Personally I am not a fan of locking parents into contracts. I understand the business side of things, but lenghty contracts make for uncomfortable situations like this.
     
    John F likes this.
  6. Finlay

    Finlay Active Member

    I would go and speak to the man. At the end of the day he is a kids sports coach. At least that is who he is to you. If he didn't have the title 'master' would you put up with his behaviour?

    Of course don't try to tell him how to teach, that would just get things off on the wrong foot but like Mr. Huslander has already said asking what your son can do to improve maybe a good opening. If you get an unhelpful response then maybe time to look elsewhere.

    The fact he has trained Olympians may not be down to his teaching. So I wouldn't get so hung up on that
     
  7. Rugratzz

    Rugratzz Active Member

    Personally I would, like the others, Talk about the problems both with your son and the teacher, and see if you can came to a mutual conclusion. Talk to your son find out what the problems are then talk to the teacher, raising your sons concerns. Jumping to conclusions is the road to nowhere.

    If his teacher asked him to kick high why didn't he? unless there was a good reason, I think my teacher would not be happy, all these things need to be talked through.

    If you cannot come to an agreement then its time to leave, One of my sons teachers is the national junior coach for Denmark, he is the most approachable man you can imagine, does he make them work hard, you had better believe it, does he shout at them Oh yes, the kids love him. Maybe in your case its just a clash of personalities and nothing in this world is going to sort it out, but maybe its something very simple, and his instructor can see some potential, (you never know) and wants your son to do his best, and by kicking low is not his best.

    what ever the outcome its what is best for your boy, thats the important thing.

    RR
     
  8. John Hulslander

    John Hulslander Active Member

    On coaching TKD.
    Note this is from a movie. But I think there is something to this...

     
    FlamingJulian and Rugratzz like this.
  9. Finlay

    Finlay Active Member

    Has this been resolved?
     
  10. FlamingJulian

    FlamingJulian New Member

    Sounds like the master is the problem here. I would find a new Tkd school for him.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  11. Pleonasm

    Pleonasm Active Member

    Martial arts is very strict. That's something you are going to have to deal with. If it just turns into an evil circle, it's probably best to leave. The story you relay is nothing... I know one highly esteemed Karate sensei who beat his pupils with a stick, each time they made an error. They actually pressed charges on him, but he is still teaching. It's softer nowdays, but some instructors may have the old fire still burning..
     
  12. Matt

    Matt Member

    How old is the Master? Old School masters came from a stricter back ground. I trained under a Grand Master who always was yelling at us. He said once and I quote to a 6 year old yellow belt "That was the worst kick ever, if I had a gun I would shoot you." He also used to say things like "Keep your eyes forward, if the person next to you burns to pieces you don't dare look at him." Now of course these tactics worked hahaha. He also would hit our hands when they were in the wrong area and sweep us to the ground if we held bad stances. Now even though he was very strict I rarely made the same mistake no more then once. We learned fast to obey and correct our work and we were held to high standards. Now this Grand Master produced many national, including myself, and many international fighters.
     
  13. tommypress

    tommypress New Member

    The great thing would be to get a master and train the very basics. Keep him calm and occupied which will make him adher to strictness and discipline.
     

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