What should I do if my son is being bullied in taekwondo courses?

Discussion in 'General Taekwondo Discussions' started by Alrik, Mar 27, 2018.

  1. Alrik

    Alrik New Member

    My 12 year old son has been attending a taekwondo course for 2 years, however he was bullied by other students and even his stretching partner. He is forced to do splits and difficult stretching exercises by his partner and kicked in the face and groin several times purposely when sparring even when he didn't wear a groin guard. But the students and coach reported it as an accident. any opinions about this or suggestions of what I should do? Thanks :)
    ( By the way is flexibility important for obtaining a certificate? Is the ability of doing splits a must? )
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2018
  3. Mario Ray Mahardhika

    Mario Ray Mahardhika Active Member

    Get another school. If the instructor tolerates such a behavior, he's not a good one.
    This depends on the examiners, no accepted worldwide standard exists.
    From technical POV, at least to a certain degree, splits are required to do certain techniques safely (and correctly). I won't teach those who can't open their legs more than 90° sideways the spinning hook kick, for instance. The risk of injuring hips, groin and maybe other body parts will be too high.
    Rugratzz likes this.
  4. Alrik

    Alrik New Member

    Are groin kicks harmful to him since his body is in a developing stage?
  5. Mario Ray Mahardhika

    Mario Ray Mahardhika Active Member

    ANY kick to ANY body part is harmful in ANY stage of life. Even protectors are there only to reduce the effect, cannot diminish it at all. I've brought a student to a competition where he kicked his opponent so correctly that the power passes through the limit the protector can handle, ending in his opponent's ribs broken. And it was "just" a simple roundhouse kick.
  6. Gnarlie

    Gnarlie Well-Known Member

    Bullied how?
    Forced how?
    The face is a legal target in competition, so depending on what instructions were given, that might be ok. He should not be sparring without full protective gear if there is contact involved.
    Accidents happen. It's a martial art and involves contact. Risk and safety should however be controlled.
    Talk to the head instructor.
    Helpful but not compulsory.

    Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk
  7. Alrik

    Alrik New Member

    "The face is a legal target in competition, so depending on what instructions were given, that might be ok. He should not be sparring without full protective gear if there is contact involved."
    Does it mean that in some cases kicking someone's face when sparring is allowed? If so, why?
  8. Rugratzz

    Rugratzz Active Member

    IN Denmark kicks to the head for children is not allowed, but many clubs still do it, (i cannot see a problem if done in a controlled manner) Protective equipment is there for a reason, and if sparring then it should be worn, even groin guards for younger children, we all know (painfully) that accidents happen even from experienced fighters. In that respect buy him a groin guard, they dont cost a lot. Does he wear a head guard, if there are none to use in the club, then he needs one of his own.

    Stretching is important, but shouldn't be dont to the point of pain, maybe uncomfortable, but certainly not so its painful. everyone if different concerning stretching, I have children and adults that are able to do full side and front splits, but others, no way, they maybe able to get a little better, but there are some, that wont be able to do them. at his age he should be able to do 90 degrees or better.

    You do not say what this bullying, can take many forms, and sometimes it can be confused with encouragement. Two weeks ago I have a very angry parent accusing one of the students bullying another, I know the alleged bully, I very quiet guy who when you meet outside the club, is polite and quiet, and generally well behaved, once he put his dobok on he changes, he trains hard, for a 10 year old he has really good concentration, and wants everyone he trains with to do their best, He is quite verbal, and quite often can be heard saying, get that kick up, come on you can hit harder than that, only five more pressups come on get moving dont give up, this little guy is all about encouraging others. we have a area where you can see whats going on in the class, but the class cannot see you, I took the parent and child there, and watched, true to form the boy, was getting his partner to kick faster into a pad, the child told his parent that because he wasn't there he was now bullying another one, and pointed as that was proof. Clearly a misinterpretation of bullying. as a result the parent calmed down and could see that there was no issues. I am not saying that this is what is happening to your son, but sometimes, we misread situations. Of course we dont want to see children hurt, but sometimes, it just happens, bruises on legs and arms are common place, I have children that also train, some weeks their arms and legs are covered in bruises, (and no I dont beat them:):)) I am not making light of the situation, I totally agree with Gnarlie, You need to talk to the head Instructor, and explain the situation, hopefully you can resolve the problem.

    If all else fails than find another club.

  9. Alrik

    Alrik New Member

    Thanks Rugratzz :) But this is the only club that's close to our house, others may take about >20 min to drive there. I just went there and watched secretly when my son was sparring w/ another taller boy, others are actually not being rude to my son but I'm disappointed w/ the taller boy. After the couch left them alone to maybe take a few mats, he kick my son right in his face, as soon as his leg was back on the ground, he back kick his groin (I'm not sure if he's in purpose). BUT when my son fell onto the ground on his back, he literally stepped his groin with his foot. My son said this wasn't the first time happened to him, but since he's a kind person he forgave them. So do you think I should talk to the coach and maybe change a club?
  10. Alrik

    Alrik New Member

    I'm still a bit worried about his groin though, will the kicks cause damage to it? should I bring him to the doctor to check?
  11. Rugratzz

    Rugratzz Active Member

    First I am really sorry for the situation. Again talk to the Head instructor. As for his "bits" little boys are quite robust, and normally the odd bang, or squash normally dont have any lasting effects, also depending how far he is into puberty, I would say if he is still feeling pain, then most certainly get him checked out, in fact it wouldn't be a bad thing to just get him checked anyway, just to dispel any worries you may have.

    Any instructor worth anyting will sort the problem out, if the other boy has done anything like this to others, do they go to the same school? if so is there a problem at school? We have very strict rules in Denmark about bullies, and how to deal with them, we will always try to resolve the problem, getting them to talk about the problem first and try to resolve it, keeping them apart in training, lastly we contact the parents, if all else fails, they need to leave the club. I many years of teaching I have thankfully only had to do that a couple of times.

    Your son sounds like a nice guy, it takes a strong person to forgive, especially when you've been hurt. He gets a pat on the back from me. What does your son want to do? Would he feel better going to another club, or does he like it where he is and just wants the other guy to stop, I would assume its the latter. Lesson times are always chaotic , trying to focus on teaching, and sometimes parents asking questions at the beginning or end of the class, maybe ask for an informal chat with him/her when time permits, when you can have their full attention. tell them the problem. you may get a leave it with me, or I will look into it, make another date to talk again. I really hope that will bring it to an end and your son will, get back to enjoying Taekwondo, for me that's the important part.

  12. Alrik

    Alrik New Member

    Thank you vry much for your detailed respond ;) I just had a little chat w/ my son, he said he doesn't take that as bullying and it's not a big deal so he never blamed them. He said there are a few of his friends in the club and since it's the closest club to our house, he prefers to stay. he also said the pain will usually go away within 20 min, and he said the pain of being kicked in the groin is "acceptable" for him and it happened to him quit a lot of times. But I'll bring him to the doctor to check anyways. The only thing that he doesn't enjoy is the stretching, he used to do about 130 degrees but was forced to do a full split in 2 weeks. Now he is force to start doing 190 degrees front split which I don't know if it's necessary for a 11 yrs old boy.

    He admitted that he was bullied in the past few months when playing some kind of games and challenges, he was kicked in the groin by several boys and even licked the entire bottom of his friends' soccer shoes after losing a game. However I'm pleased that many of them are being less rude and mean to my son nowadays.
  13. Gazzer

    Gazzer Active Member

    Dont need to do the Splits in TKD.... if that were the case most blackbelts would be gone....

    Unless you mean your son is training for competition Poomsae then yes flexibility would help.
  14. Finlay

    Finlay Active Member

    you should take this up with the head insrutor. there is a chance that he doesn't know what is happening.

    if he is unable or unwilling to deal with it then you should find anouther club.

    some people are good teachs and maybe technically very good but not good at teaching children. alot of teaching children is about controlling the group. i say this from a TKD and alos international school perpsective.

    your son's saftey is the priority

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